Episode 20: Guest Expert Libby Supan: The Unexpected Truth About Negative Thinking

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Libby Supan

But so many of us struggle with negative thinking patterns, automatic negative thoughts. The reason that is is because your brain our brains, just as a human being, it’s just the way we’re, we’re wired is our brain takes any one negative thought, and multiplies it by three, not meaning you have more of those thoughts. But the feeling the power of that thought, the intensity of that thought, again, you have like 50, negative 50, positive thoughts. But those negative thoughts are times three, they feel like they’re three times as big. And that’s why we are so focused on negative thinking, and why it’s so hard to get out of those thinking patterns. We had to work extra hard to try to push those negative thoughts away.

Leah Van Dolder

Welcome to the Reclaim podcast. I’m your host, Leah Van Dolder. I’m a weight loss dietitian and mindset coach and this program is for you if you’re a busy working woman or female entrepreneur, and you’re ready to take charge of your health, you’re ready to lose weight and make lasting positive change in your life. The only kicker is that you’re on the brink of burnout, you’re exhausted, you are frustrated, you’re feeling discouraged and uncomfortable. And this is how I help my clients, giving you simple, practical and savvy strategies to help you achieve your goals while reducing your stress boosting your mood, your energy and your self confidence. To learn more about working with me, check out my website at live and older.com Welcome to the show. All right, everybody. Welcome to this week’s episode of the Reclaim Podcast. I’m very excited because this is our very first guest episode. And I’m really excited to bring on my friend and colleague, Libby Supan. Is that how you say your last name?

Libby Supan

It’s actually super fun. But you can say everyone.

Leah Van Dolder

Well, let me I’m super excited to have you here. And you know why? Why don’t you take a couple of minutes just to introduce yourself and tell our listeners a little bit about you.

Libby Supan

Thank you so much, Leah, and thank you so much for having me. I’m very excited to be here and having our conversation. Yeah, so I’m Libby Supan. And I struggled with an eating disorder and disordered eating for over two decades, I truly thought that I was going to die this way. I didn’t think it was possible for me to get better. So I made a promise to myself a long time ago that if I ever did get better than I would have to then help others do the same thing like that would just be my life’s kind of trajectory and passion. So here I am doing just that, because I did recover. So I am a licensed therapist specializing in eating disorders. And I’m also a certified Intuitive Eating coach, helping people heal their unhealthy relationships with food and their bodies and walking them through relearning how to eat intuitively. And yeah, I have two different practices therapy and coaching. And I’ve telehealth and yeah, I love what I do.

Leah Van Dolder

That’s amazing Libby. Thank you. And you know what, I just wanted to just thank you for opening up and being vulnerable. Because I think it’s so important for our listeners to know, too that like we’re human. And you know what, we have struggles. And I really applaud you Well, first of all, congratulations on that journey for yourself and healing yourself. And also being able to use that as your purpose in your life because it truly is. I’m sure it’s very rewarding work. And it feels so good. Because you can relate to your clients on so many levels. And like, you know, the feels, you know, the struggles and you know how to get out of it.

Libby Supan

Yeah, yeah, thank you, Leah. I really do I fully understand I get it, you know, and I think that’s probably like, the biggest way I can connect with the people that I work with is I get it. I was there. I was you, you know.

Leah Van Dolder

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And that’s why I’m really just so honored to have you here too. Because, first of all, you’re a wealth of knowledge. You’ve been through it, you’ve lived it, you felt it, you’ve overcome this. And I mean, you’re an expert in this field. And today, we’re going to talk about something that you and I actually chat a lot about with our clients. And I think too, it’s, it’s just a good time to even know like, we have different ideal clients, right. But it’s interesting how some overlap comes in there, especially with thinking patterns. Yes. I mean, you work with people and helping them overcome eating disorders. And I mean, my listeners know that I’m a weight loss dietician and help with recovery. rewiring your thinking patterns and really help with mindset. And there really is. I mean, you and I have chatted many times about overlap and thinking and I just wanted to bring your expertise here and talking about a topic around blame versus accountability. Because you find Libby, with your, with your clients. And even with yourself, did you struggle with differentiating blame versus accountability? Because I think a lot of times, some of us think that it’s the same thing, like I’ve heard my clients say, well, if I’m not blaming myself for eating those five cookies, then like, that’s not taking accountability. I must blame myself because equals accountability when it’s the total. They tell me about that.

Libby Supan

Yeah, well, so I kind of a little bit of a tangent, but what you’re what I’m hearing you say, as you’re saying it, is it’s almost so similar to to the two different voices that we can have, like the disordered eating voice. And then like, with I’m talking about myself that Libby voice, so the disordered eating voice is the blame, and the Libby voice would be the accountability. And yes, it’s, it’s so much about the self blame can be, you know, like going into the victim mentality, where accountability is I’m empowering myself. And so, yeah, it’s, you know, I think you and I are talking about how, you know, most people that struggle with food or body issues or are on their, you know, weight loss journey, or whatever it is, really, also have a big perfectionism umbrella over them. And, you know, perfectionism is the black and white thinking, it’s, well, if I can’t do it perfectly, I’m not going to do it at all. Oh, my gosh, I just ate this extra cookie after lunch. If it I’m gonna eat the entire package. So that’s all self blame, you know, and that’s never going to serve you. Yeah, and then I think, well, so that’s not going to serve you. And if you are, you know, if I’m one of your clients, Lea, like, I’m probably not going to be able to lose weight with that mindset. So instead, instead of blaming myself, and being the victim, I’m going to take accountability and move forward. So okay, I eat this extra cookie after lunch. You know what, it didn’t really feel good. So I’m going to remember this for the next time, and just reconsider whether I want it or not. And I’m still allowed to eat that extra cookie next time. But when I make the decision, from an accountability standpoint, it will change that dynamic. And then I’m able to, you know, move forward, make progress, and feel empowered.

Leah Van Dolder

Yeah. Yeah. I kind of hear within like the difference there. You bring in a level of being human. Right. Yeah. Error. I mean, it’s expected, right? Yes. And with that perfectionism mindset, because 100%, right, it’s a I hear it a lot in the women that I work with. And this is something that I too, have had to really work on over the years. But yeah, instead of having that very high expectation of that perfectionism, allowing that level of human error and say, You know what, yeah, I had a few more cookies, then I might have liked. This is how I’m feeling right now it happened. But almost seeing yourself as the solution and what to do for the next step versus stewing over what just happened.

Libby Supan

Right? Because it’s not going to serve anybody when you’re in that place. Right? Yeah. It’s, it reminds me to have like, you know, really, really ask yourself and I’m talking to myself to like really asking myself Okay, have I truly ever accomplished anything by punishing myself to get there? No, maybe temporarily. But no, you can’t punish yourself into punish your way into changing.

Leah Van Dolder

Yeah, that’s a really good point. Yeah, you can’t punish your way to health you can’t punish your way to weight loss. Right. And I think to that, I mean, this idea is just coming to me now but even with social media and all of these insane standards and ideals and belief around, you know, what health should look like and I say an employee quotes, right? And this perfectionist almost punishment mentality, and I think actually living we were chatting about this last week around, you know, like, someone’s got that trainer of like, come on, Jen. Laura, you’re not working? Yes. And hey, mate, like, there can be a time I wouldn’t place but if that like punishing yourself every step of the way, I mean, you can’t punish your way to health.

Libby Supan

Right? Absolutely. I mean, it. It even makes me think of I just made this social media video on diet culture and what it was like I think in like 90s, early 2000s. And there’s like this video clip I used from, I think, what was that show next top model with Tyra Banks? Oh, yeah. Yeah, there’s this contestant. I couldn’t tell you what her name is. But this is like, I think early 2000s. And they’re just like, I mean, just body shaming her like, she’s plus size. She’s gross. She’s too big. And first of all, she’s not plus is not that it would matter anyways. But, you know, they’re basically just like bullying her punishing her. And then they asked her to, like lose the weight. And it’s just, it’s a perfect example of like, this poor woman is not going to change because you’re bullying her. She’s not going like that. You can’t make change that way. Just like you can’t bully yourself, you know?

Leah Van Dolder

Yeah. Yeah, big difference between bullying versus that empowerment and doing it in a way that doing it in a way that serves you. And I think, too, I mean, even the woman that I work with, too, and I’m thinking of some of my clients, like they’ve, you know, they’ve absolutely attempted the punishing way, you know, the quick fix diet, and it doesn’t last long. And when they come to me, and they’re like, I need something better. I need sustainable I need balanced, I need a way of eating a way of thinking a way of living that is truly fulfilling for me emotionally fulfilling, and truly brings me happiness versus feeling so shitty about myself all the time. Yeah. And just living in a negative headspace. This is actually a really great segue because you said something to me Olivia the other day, and I was absolutely mind blown about the shocking truth about her negative thoughts, because I had, like, well, actually, I’m gonna hand it over to you. Do you remember what you told me around the negative thoughts? Do you remember?

Libby Supan

I absolutely do, yes. And I remember when I found this out, I was like, Oh, my gosh, it makes so much sense. So as human beings, we all experience the same amount or percentage of positive versus negative thoughts. But so many of us struggle with negative thinking patterns, automatic negative thoughts. And the reason that is, is because your brain our brains, just as a human being, it’s just the way we’re, we’re wired is our brain takes any one negative thought, and multiplies it by three, not that it makes it not meaning you have more of those thoughts. But the feeling the the power of that thought, the intensity of that thought. So you again, you have like 50, negative 50, positive thoughts. But those negative thoughts are times three, they feel like they’re three times as big. And that’s why we are so focused on negative thinking, and why it’s so hard to get out of those thinking patterns. So yeah, we had to work extra hard to try to push those negative thoughts away.

Leah Van Dolder

See, that’s wild to me. And it does make a ton of sense. And the like, when you told me that I’m like, Oh, my gosh, we have the same amount of negative thoughts versus positive thoughts. And it is interesting, too, because in any situation, there really is a positive and negative to any situation. But yet, we immediately think about the negative because like you just said that the feeling is so amplified within our body. So it’s just second nature for our brain to just think about the negative, unknown situation.

Libby Supan

Right? And when we’re in the negative, it’s like, you know, you and I were also talking about how well whatever you tell yourself, whether you whether you think you can or you can’t You’re right, and you will. So like, when you choose to focus on those negative thoughts, and then you believe them like that is your reality. That’s your truth, and also vice versa. Yeah, when you force yourself to focus on the positive, you then believe those thoughts, that is now your reality.

Leah Van Dolder

And that’s something too that I’ve learned over the years, which to be very honest with you Livi I was like, Yeah, this is total fluff. There’s no way that this is going to work, but okay, I quickly proved myself wrong. Okay, and it really is amazing. Just the ripple effect of that it’s first of all, acknowledging, hey, I, there’s positive thoughts in there. But I get to choose what to focus on. Yes, the negative is going to feel real strong. But I’m going to choose to focus on the upside the silver lining, because it’s there. I just got a look for it. Yeah. And focusing on that, because what you focus on grows, and it can. I know, it sounds so simple and so basic, but it’s so true. And like you said it, what you focus on grows. And yeah, that internal dialogue, I mean, the story that you’re telling yourself, if it is positive, if you’re looking for the upside, like, you’ve just rewritten your story that is your new, building a new thinking pattern, a new belief system, you’re rewriting the story for you. And I mean, you act differently to when your internal dialogue or that thinking pattern has more of a positive outlook, a very different perspective. You’re thinking differently, you’re feeling differently, you’re acting differently. And I think it’s so funny to and some of my clients are like, Oh, my gosh, people are saying, like, Who are you, you’re acting differently? Like, that’s not your typical, you know, choice when you go out to dinner. And I’m like, that’s the entire point here. You’re changing your thought patterns, your behaviours, you’re kind of transforming into this best version and view?

Libby Supan

Absolutely, absolutely. Yes. And it’s, I will say to to, like, all my clients, like, it is a ripple effect, and everything is tied together. So like, okay, let’s just say you start going to bed a little bit earlier, great, you’re gonna wake up feeling a little bit better, which might make your breakfast choice a little bit better, which is going to make your workday a little bit better. I mean, it’s just, just like the opposite. If it’s negative, you know?

Leah Van Dolder

Yeah. Yeah. 100%. So I think, too. I mean, maybe you’ve got so many awesome ideas over there. How do you force the positive? Because you know, what, there’s gonna be days where we’re in an absolute stink of a mood. And, you know, sometimes, sometimes it’s really tough to get out of that negative to the positive, and I’m sure to is your clients, it’s got to be an internal dialogue that you believe I mean, it can be hard to see the beautiful positive when you’re in such a deep, dark place. But can you kind of share with our listeners? How do you kind of progress out of the negative to maybe get to a neutral? And then to the positive? Like, how do you do that?

Libby Supan

Absolutely. I love this question. So I just want to say like, in being transparent, I struggle just like everyone else, I have depression, I take, you know, an antidepressant like I am human. So I do this myself. So what I do is the very, like, a huge part of what I do with my clients and myself is we focus on all of your wins. So when we first started working together, when like in session, one or two, I will introduce your wins journal to you, okay? Your wins journal, you’re gonna get a journal, whatever it is, it can be, you know, in your note section on your phone or piece of paper, whatever, every single day, you’re going to have it next to you someplace convenient, and you are going to write down every little thing that happens that is positive. I don’t care how small it is, you’re going to write it down. And it’s just a simple sentence. And so you have this book that you get to look back at all the things that you did well, and the winds. And what that does is it forces you to see not just visually with your eyes, you could see it on the paper, the winds, but you’re forcing yourself to keep it in the forefront of your brain. And it’s a it’s a practice, like it’s, it’s not easy. When you’re having really bad days, or something really bad happened in your life. It’s not easy. And I know for myself, I can almost feel angry towards it. Like, I don’t want to have a win. Like today sucks. It’s not going to be good. And it’s like no, pick out one thing. And it’s like, okay, you know, like, What’s one thing? Okay. Like, my, I don’t know, technology worked today. I didn’t have any tech is in my social media world, like whatever it is.

Leah Van Dolder

Yeah, it’s a good day. It’s a good day

Libby Supan

Yeah. And then I also will start out my sessions with, you know, how are you feeling right now and then give me all your wins in the last week. And you know, a lot of times, my clients kind of side because it’s like, God, they show up feeling awful about themselves. But, you know, that’s just where I start our sessions. And after our session, I will give you an email and I’ll send you send you all your wins, and then you add them into your journal. It’s just kind of a constant practice.

Leah Van Dolder

That’s Great. I think what you just said it’s a practice right it doesn’t it doesn’t come naturally. That’s the thing when when our brain so automatically goes to the negative and feels that so much more than the positive, then yeah, it’s a it’s forcing, forcing the positive and even writing down. Yeah, just simple basic stuff like, Hey, good day I brush my teeth today, or, you know, I put on, you know, I put on tailored pants instead of, you know, hanging out in my cozies. Or, right, you know, the fact that it’s like, you know what, I made dinner at home, instead of grabbing something, you know, at a restaurant or through drive thru, right, these little these little wins. Right? That’s a really great practice. I find that to Libby. And I don’t know if you can relate to this. I know that a lot of my clients do too, because they are busy, career driven woman and, you know, we’ve got this to do list that’s 100 things long. And I know at the end of the week, they look back and they’re like, Oh, I did not accomplish these two things. And I’m like, Yeah, but you accomplished the 78. Other others. Were on your list. Right? Look what you did do, like what you did this week. It’s so it is wild, how our brain can just take over so quickly. But like you said, it is empowering because we can choose what to focus on.

Libby Supan

Right. And you know, another thing and like, just like on top of what we’re talking about is, you know, this is one reason why it can be so important and crucial to work with somebody, whether it’s a therapist, dietician a coach, because they can point these things out to you. Like I have a therapist, I have a coach myself personally, and I forget things. So they’ll be like, really be you blah, blah, blah. You did this. And oh, yeah, that’s right. Yeah. So sometimes it’s crucial to, you know, you need somebody to kind of hold your hand and guide you through being able to do this for yourself.

Leah Van Dolder

Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Yeah, I’m so glad that you brought that up. Because it does make a big difference people, we kind of get rabbit holes, right. And we get tunnel vision, and we lose sight of what we’re accomplishing and progressing through and it is so valuable to have somebody to highlight that stuff and even show you some gaps where you’re slipping, showing how to fill those gaps. And just holding your hands through through that process. I know that that’s been a big thing for me, too, right. Like, I’ve worked with coaches, business coaches, mindset coaches for oh my gosh, like the last two and a half years. Yeah, it makes such a difference. Right? Because you don’t know what you don’t know.

Libby Supan

Right? You can’t you can’t. Like I know for me, I’m so in, in it. I’m too close to it. It’s too personal. Yeah. But like I, I can’t like I can’t even if I wanted to. I can’t see things certain things. Yeah.

Leah Van Dolder

So yeah, yeah. hiring a coach is amazing. And I mean, my listeners here, I mean, you guys know that I have a coaching program. And to learn more about my coaching program, check out the show notes. My website link is in there live and older.com and also an application to apply to work with me. And Libby, why don’t you tell our listeners to where can they find you?

Libby Supan

Yes, thank you. So I am my social media handles our @foodfreedomwithLibby and I’m on Instagram, Tik Tok. And yeah, I have a therapy practice and a coaching practice. And I can work with anyone located anywhere in the world. And, yeah, I can give you my social media handles. So you can you know, add them to the show notes if you’d like.

Leah Van Dolder

Yeah, that’d be great. That’d be great. Thank you so much, Libby. Well, that was amazing. Thank you so much for coming in Libby. And I think I mean, my takeaway today is keep on forcing the positive and little action step is having that little wind journal and just acknowledging the things that we do on a daily basis, because they’re happening. They’re absolutely happening.

Libby Supan

Yeah. Thank you, Leah. I had so much fun

Leah Van Dolder