Episode 25: Your Goals Aren’t The Problem, Your Stories Are

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Welcome to the Reclaim Podcast. I’m your host, Leah Van Dolder. I’m a weight loss dietitian and mindset coach, and this program’s for you if you’re a busy working woman or female entrepreneur and you’re ready to take charge of your health. You’re ready to lose weight and make lasting positive change in your life. The only kicker is that you’re on the brink of burnout. You’re exhausted, you are frustrated, you’re feeling discouraged and uncomfortable, and this is how I help my clients. Giving you simple, practical, and savvy strategies to help you achieve your goals while reducing your stress, boosting your mood, your energy, and your self-confidence. To learn more about working with me, check out my website at leahvandolder.com.

Welcome to the show. Hey, guys, welcome to this week’s episode of the Reclaim Podcast. I am so excited to connect with you, and it’s so funny the timing of everything. I just got a beautiful text from a client like literally 10 seconds before I came on here today, and what she said I think is worth saying right off the hop today because she says, “Thank you again, Leah, for all your support, the tweaks, and the ongoing coaching. I can do this, I will do this, and I am doing this.” There is so much certainty and confidence in a statement like that, and that is honestly why I do what I do and why I am offering you know just this sense of connection with you because it can be so hard when you’re working towards your health, your weight loss, and you feel like you aren’t getting anywhere, you’re doubting yourself, you’re basically in your own way, and you’re exhausted. You’re tired of hearing yourself say, “I’m so busy, I’m exhausted, and I feel sluggish, and I feel really heavy.” So today I’m gonna talk about how your goals aren’t the hard part, your stories are. So let’s get right into this.

I was talking to a client yesterday, and this is where the idea came from to talk about this, and these are her words. She said, “My goals aren’t the hard part, it’s my stories, the stories that I’m telling myself and my own excuses that are the hard part. Overcoming those, that’s gonna make you successful long term, absolutely it is.” Why? Because when we’re talking about behavior change because all you guys are here because you’re looking for a long-term sustainable lifestyle change, like you’re here to level up your life, let’s be honest, you’re changing your behaviors right. And with behavior change or habit change, it has a lot to do with your thought process and your emotions, right. And this is a little cognitive behavior therapy 101, but if you are to change your actions or your behaviors, we really gotta be aware of our thought processes because the thoughts or the stories that you’re telling yourself and your excuses, they heavily influence your emotional state. And if you’re in an emotional state of feeling down, frustrated, and you’re doubting yourself, well, like you’re probably not going to be taking action towards your goals. And I thought this was such a great line that my client had mentioned because it’s true, like the goals aren’t the hard part. Drinking two liters of water a day isn’t hard. You know, prepping six chicken breasts, just throwing them in the oven that takes three minutes of your hands-on time like that’s not a hard thing to do. But it’s the stories that you are telling yourself and you are overthinking things and then all the thinking that’s going on in your head makes you start to feel like you can’t. And that is the hard part, so I want to help you overcome that today because it really is quite simple. And this is something that I teach within the Reclaim Coaching Program and of course, I wouldn’t teach anything that I haven’t had to figure out myself and also overcome because I know what it’s like, right. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re in your own way, and I’ve had to really work on that over the last couple of years. I mean, you guys know I invest in business coaches, mindset coaches. To me, it’s a must, like it’s a necessity in making change because if you’re trying the same things and you’re not getting the results or you’re trying the same things and you’re expecting different results, honey, like you’re insane. You’re insane.

So let’s talk about some examples here because I find this really drives the story home, and I’m coming at you here end of July, so we’re in the middle of the summertime, maybe coming into August as this podcast episode releases. But your social calendar is full, and you’re going out to more cottage weekends and you’re camping and you’re going on vacay and people are around. And what I hear time and time again is backlash from my clients when I mention something as simple as, “Well, if you’re going to your girls’ weekend and I’m hearing you say that you feel like garbage come Monday morning after just eating whatever and drinking too much, well then why not bring some of your own healthy food with you and maybe bring some sparkling water along with you instead of two bottles of wine.” And again, like this isn’t a hard thing to do, but your emotions get in the way of it. Your emotions and the stories, they stop you from following through. What do those stories sound like? Well, “It would be rude for me to show up with my own food. What if somebody says something? What if I get called out? I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. What if somebody thinks that I’m better than them for showing up with my own healthy food? Or what if I, you know, hit somebody where it hurts or you know mistakenly give the idea that I don’t like their cooking?” And it’s so interesting to say these things out loud because I know you’re listening right now, you’re like, “Oh my gosh, I just thought that to myself like a couple of days ago, right?” And honestly, the first stage of making change is awareness. You gotta be able to catch these things because these stories that you’re telling yourself, they are the real reason why you’re not following through on your simple goals. I mean, how hard is it to put some healthy food in a cooler and stick it in the car? That’s not a hard thing to do. You’re a very smart and capable woman, I know you can do that. But it’s the fear of judgment, the fear of rejection, and the crazy what-ifs that you’re making up in your mind that are putting you in this emotional state that you’re like, “Yeah, I’m not gonna do that. That’s what it is.”

So I was talking to this client the other day, and this has been an ongoing thing, right? Like I’m just gonna say this, behavior change takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight, especially when we’ve got our own stories and our own emotions involved. Like this takes months and months. And my most successful clients, I mean, we’re working together for a year plus because if you really want to make that lifestyle transformation, we got to go deep into your thought processes. It’s kind of like, “Oh, what did she say?” She’s like, “It’s just so cool because I feel like I’m just getting like I’m finally getting out of my own way, right? It’s like step aside, little princess, you know, queen bee’s in town. There’s a whole different sense of control and power and how you just carry like you follow through. I think that’s what makes us feel so good is the follow-through of our goals. So I said to this client, I’m like, “Okay, so I hear you in terms of you feel like you might be rude, you’re fearful of what somebody might say, but is that really true? Is it true that you’re being rude? Is it true that you’re going to get rejected by your friend because you’re bringing your own fruit and Greek yogurt and almonds for breakfast?” And she just stops, and she’s like, “Hmm.” I said, “You gotta test this stuff out because it’s it really is wild what our brain will make up. So I like to give you this little invitation, but you got to prove yourself wrong because most of the stories that you’re telling yourself, they’re not even true.” So I want to talk about three steps here in terms of changing that inner dialogue or that story. The first one is awareness. Catch these stories that you’re making up, and I gotta tell you they’re gonna sound very similar. Your brain is not very creative. You’re gonna say the same things on repeat time and time again because guess what, they work. “I’m too tired. I don’t have time. I’m too busy. That would be rude if I brought food.” You’ve probably got like four or five that work like a dream, so start paying attention to them.

And hey, before I tell you about the other two steps, if you are loving this podcast, girl, take 30 seconds of your time to go rate five stars and review. Honestly, it means the world to me, and it helps the growth of this podcast and just getting this message out to other women that need it. And two, I mean, I’m on Instagram, so if you’re not following me, come on over. My handle’s Leah Van Dolder, and even share this to your story. Tag me. I would love to see that you’re listening to this. A lot of my clients like to listen to podcasts while they’re driving, commuting to work, out for a walk, a workout. Yeah, tag me on your story.

So we talked about awareness, catching your own stories and excuses. The second step, get curious about them. Get curious and just ask yourself, hold on, is that true? Is it actually true that it’s gonna take me quote unquote forever to prep some healthy food for the week? Is it actually true that I’m going to rub somebody the wrong way if I show up with a veggie tray and a fruit tray this weekend? Get curious. You don’t have to be judgmental about it because that’s not helpful for learning. Don’t judge yourself on the internal story. Don’t do that. Just get curious about it. So I find this is a really great question. Hold on, is that true?

And the third one is, you’re gonna believe what you want to, and your brain is going to believe what you keep telling yourself. So if you keep telling yourself on repeat that you truly are being rude for bringing your own food to a social gathering, or you’re being rude, or you know being a quote unquote downer because you are choosing to drink less alcohol than everybody else, if you’re telling yourself that on repeat, like you’re gonna believe it versus actually questioning like is that true or not and testing it out because this is the most eye-opening part of this entire process is proving yourself wrong.

I love when clients do this. I love it because here’s something that I know is gonna be shocking information, but humans are so self-absorbed. We care about ourselves more than anybody, so guess what? Nobody cares if you bring healthy food or not. Nobody’s looking that hard about what’s on your plate. People don’t care. You know how many times I’ve been to a cottage weekend or a dinner party and I just kind of look around at everybody. They are so self-absorbed in their own conversations or on their own plate. I mean, I have gone past people and you know, like nobody looks on my plate. I’ve thrown so much food in the garbage, nobody notices. It’s like if I have a crap piece of cake, I’m like, “Oh, this isn’t worth it. Trashing it in the garbage.” Nobody is looking that hard.

So with my client, she actually was saying to me, she’s like, “Oh my gosh, because we just had a long weekend here, and she’s like, I tested out bringing healthy food.” She said, “I packed my healthy food like the stuff that I’ve been eating for the last three months, right? Packed it in my cooler, put it on the front seat of my car. Brought my walking shoes so I could keep up with my activity.” She had walked in the front door of the cottage, and nobody said a friggin word. Nobody said anything. Nobody gave her the side eye. Nobody gave her, you know, the look. Nobody said anything. And yet she was so fearful about showing up with these things.

So you have to prove yourself wrong because then that is data for you in the future. Because the next time when you go out to a social gathering, because these stories will absolutely re-appear in your mind, you’re gonna get that urge of like, “Oh, like I’m gonna be rude. I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.” And then you can catch yourself and say, “Hold on, I actually tested that out three weekends ago. Turns out nobody cares. Nobody says anything. So I’m gonna give this another go.”

You see how deep this stuff is in terms of behavior change? Like your weight loss journey is not about just knowing what to eat. Like you can get a free seven-day meal plan on the internet. Like it’s easy to get that stuff, but it’s knowing how to, well actually it’s understanding yourself. Understanding the stories that you’re telling yourself that are actually holding you back from taking easy action and learning how to call yourself out in a very kind way and replacing that negative story or that false story or a rational story with something that is true. Something that is rational.

Because going back to that cognitive behavior therapy 101, your actions are heavily influenced by your thoughts, and your thoughts influence your emotions. So when you get to a point where your thoughts are like, “You know what, I tested this out last week and nobody said a thing. Right on.” Your emotional state is much more neutral, and you have that confidence. You’ve just reassured yourself that things aren’t that bad because you proved yourself wrong in the past. So you’re going to show up to the next social event with your healthy food and your sparkling water in your running shoes. And guess what? Nobody’s going to say anything again. And you just prove yourself wrong another time.

So you start to build this confidence in yourself and you start to learn. You’re challenging your old irrational story, like all those deep-rooted beliefs and stories that you’ve been believing for years. You’re calling yourself out. You’re getting curious about them. You’re proving yourself wrong, and you’re rewriting that internal story. That is how I help my clients make lasting change. That is how I help you transform your life, achieve lasting weight loss, and radically level up your confidence so you can excel in every single area of your life.

It’s absolutely amazing to see this transformation in clients. And just back to that text that I got as I was popping on here today. I help you believe in yourself. I help just have faith in yourself again because right now you’re kind of flatlining through your day. There’s no spark. There’s no pep in your step. And you need that because you’re noticing people around you are noticing, and you’re not showing up as you’d like to. And something like not feeling good in your skin and seeing changes in your body physically like maybe weight gain and just seeing like, well, somebody said the other day she’s like, “I don’t know, my tummy is just a totally different shape right,” and all these, uh, what does she say, “Oh, the fluffiness,” she’s like, “My body has become fluffy over the years.”

When you get to that point, our brain, it’s interesting how we immediately think of, “Okay, I gotta do something about my nutrition and my exercise,” and that is such a beautiful gateway into really stepping into that conscious space, rewriting your story, and the things that you’re doing with your nutrition and your exercise, they start to have a beautiful ripple effect on all other areas of your life, and you excel in all other areas of your life. Like the skills that I teach here, like they are so transferable. You know how many times I hear my clients say, “Okay, awesome, like I’m well, a lady yesterday she’s like, ‘Hey, I am down 12 pounds, I’m down 9 inches, I feel freaking amazing, I’m putting myself out there again, just met somebody.’ Another woman, she was like, ‘Hey, I feel so amazing, and I actually signed up for soccer again, and I haven’t done that in years because she’s just feeling so much better in her skin now and so much more confident.”

So these changes that you’re making with your nutrition and your exercise, your fitness, and that mindset work, those are the things that are going to have a beautiful ripple effect on everything, and they excel you in your business and your career and your family and your relationships. I think I said this in the last episode too, but hey, whatever, I’m just gonna drive the point home because it’s so true. I see it every single day. That’s what I love the most. Like helping you achieve weight loss, like awesome, yeah, seeing those texts from you guys like, “Hey, I’m down 10 pounds, 20 pounds, 50 pounds, a hundred pounds, amazing.” But you know what’s most amazing is you showing up and being your healthiest, happiest, and your best self. That’s what it’s all about.

So I got real deep real quick on that one, but this just goes to show that your mindset is such a big piece of this journey, and that’s what sets me apart from other dietitians, you know? I hear it all the time, it’s like, “Well, are you a therapist?” Like no, but I’m just really good at what I do because I’ve been doing this for a decade. So I know how to help you rewrite that story, build belief in yourself and faith in yourself again so you can do more of the things that bring you true joy in your life.

And at this time of this recording, I mean, we’re end of July, beginning of August. I’m just throwing this out there, but this is the perfect time to begin working together because I’m just gonna say it, you’ve listened to all 30-plus episodes so far, and you’ve been following me on Instagram, and you’ve been trying to piece together these free tips and tricks, but free tips and tricks only get you so far. They’re not customized to you, and that’s what you need. You need a customized plan. I need to get into your head over there so I can start highlighting these pitfalls. I gotta highlight those blind spots. They’re blind spots for a reason, you don’t see them, but I can. So let me get into your mind and help a little princess step aside because Queen Bee’s in town. I want to help transform your life, and I’m taking new clients for August. I have limited spots, so check out the show notes, there’s an application form link there, or come on over to Instagram, pop into my DMs, and let me know that you listen to this episode, and you are ready to rewrite your story, you’re ready, you gotta take action over there, get out of your emotions, get out of the stories because I know that you’ve been saying to yourself, “Oh, well, I should reach out to Leah,” but then you talk yourself out of it. What’s that story? Is it actually true? Reach out, what’s the worst that can happen?

Anyway, thanks so much for tuning in today. It’s been great to connect with you. Take a couple of seconds to rate five stars and review. And again, apply to work with me. This is an awesome time to do it. We are six months out from the new year, you’ve been thinking about making change since the beginning of this year, there’s no better time than now. We’ll catch you in the next episode. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of the Reclaim Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to follow, rate, and review. To learn more about working with me, check out my website at leahvandolder.com. Thank you again for being here. It means the world to be able to connect with you, girl. Keep doing amazing things. You have everything that it takes to achieve your goals and be successful at anything that you want.